


did you inherit a sickness? did you blame god?

by hotgirl



Series: naisen [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Haruno Sakura-centric, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Mokuton User Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22330855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotgirl/pseuds/hotgirl
Summary: At eight, your family is taken from you. At twelve, you forge a new one. It's not enough. — implied sasuke/narutoor: after the forest of death, team 7 becomes a family
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: naisen [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1081791
Comments: 16
Kudos: 309





	did you inherit a sickness? did you blame god?

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel for [_godhood is just like girlhood_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12361806) but can be more or less read alone
> 
> this is the halfway point between sakuras pov and tsunades pov bc im a sasuke apologist and also i believe that bc kishimotos handling of his and sakuras relationship is one of the greatest detriments to both of their characters, salvaging that relationship is key to fixing sakuras character arc
> 
> title comes from lisa marie basile's [andalucia](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/18603852-andalucia)

It's two am and your bones ache but it's your turn to stand guard. There's blood and dirt both caked underneath your nails. You're trying to focus on that instead of the ringing sound of bones snapping. That instead of the way you lost control. That instead of the sound of Sakura crying and screaming at you.

You think about how infinitely small the three of you are in the universe. Then you think about how larger than life they both are to you tonight. With only the sound of crickets, their snores, and bones snapping, they seem like the whole world. The earth moves under their weight only tonight.

When you were put on Team 7, you told yourself they wouldn't burden you.

Not caring about Sakura had been easy. She was _annoying,_ insensitive, cruel even. You hated everything she thought about Naruto. You hated everything she said about her own parents. Flesh and blood and DNA designed just to take care of her and she had the audacity to stand there and badmouth them.

You would give _anything_ to have your parents back.

But Naruto had... he's like you. You've known that since the academy. You watched him on that splintered swing all alone while everyone else ran to their parents. You were alone too. The only difference was that he was born to loneliness while you were cursed with it.

In the Land of Waves, your body moved on its own to protect him. You knew in the back of your head what you were risking. You thought you were going to die in Naruto's arms before you could ever bring your brother to justice.

(You were eight and you couldn't stop shaking. He looked at you like you were nothing and said, "survive your miserable life.")

Naruto's life was worth your own. You remember thinking that as he came in and out of focus. Your breathing slowed and everything went blurry but it was okay because it was Naruto, holding you almost comfortingly and crying onto you. You were drowning in your blood and his tears.

You had told him about your brother and he would know what to do with that. You trusted him. He would want justice for you and your clan.

It wasn't like that when you threw yourself in front of Sakura.

Maybe something in your stomach had lurched when you saw that kunai shaking in her hands but saving her didn't mean betraying your clan. You knew you would survive. You knew that if you didn't do something, she wouldn't. Anyway, neither would the bridge builder and you weren't going to fail your first C-rank.

She wasn't a problem then. You didn't care about her. It just would have been cruel to not protect her.

You steal a glance of them; they're curled up in Naruto's jacket together. They're both snoring, it's almost synchronized. You know they wouldn't sleep like that if it wasn't so cold out but the sight is still jarring. You don't think you like it.

They don't look that different from each other right now. Naruto's bruises are gone but he's disgusting. There's dried blood in his hair and a coat of dirt on his face. Sakura's left eye is swollen red and she looks ugly for it. They're both so gross. Her drool is all over Naruto's chest but he still looks stupidly happy. Peaceful.

Your chest aches at the sight and you wonder if maybe you can have that too.

They're a burden to each other. They admitted it over charred salmon at dinner. Sakura had been so soft and weak when she'd said her "I love you." Naruto had been so brash and strong with his. You don't know about his — you wish you knew about his — but hers had been just as much for you as it was for Naruto. The thought has your nails cutting crescents in-between the lines of your palms.

Being tied too tightly to them would only get in your way. They'd suffocate you.

There's a ghost of Sakura's arms around you, strangling you. You have no excuse for breaking that Oto-nin's arms for brutalizing her. That wasn't about protecting a girl too afraid and unprepared to fight. That was about revenge. You looked at her, arms littered with cuts and her eye swollen and ugly, and all you could think was _that's my teammate_.

Kakashi-sensei had told you all with such conviction that only scum would leave their comrades behind.

Your stomach lurches. Your heart aches softly between your ribs. _Naruto_ , you think, _Sakura_. Maybe you didn't want either of them to begin with but they're your teammates now. And you're theirs.

You don't want to lose either of them.

**/**

For two days, you rest. Sakura's eye turns from red to purple. Naruto washes the blood out of his hair. You stop hearing bones snap.

**/**

The sun rises on Naruto's shift and you and Sakura follow suit. Sakura goes to gather sticks and breaks off branches with ease, you light the fire, and you help Naruto catch the salmon. The two of you only catch three fish but half a full stomach is better than an empty one.

You eat in silence. Sakura eats noticeably less than you and Naruto. You glare at her as if that will make her eat more. She puts her salmon down and speaks, "there may not be any more heaven scrolls."

"Do you really think that?" You ask cautiously.

"It's the fourth day of the test so it's eighty percent over. There are twenty-six teams and only thirteen of both scrolls and — and Orochimaru burned our heaven scroll, so the amount of teams that can pass is down to twelve," she explains, "and it's not like we know for sure if the rest of the scrolls are intact either."

Naruto nods like he understands, but you know he doesn't.

"That means whoever we run into next might be our last chance," you say.

Again, Naruto nods like he understands. "Hey, hey!" He exclaims. He's got that dopey look on his face. The one he gets when he's gonna say something dumb even by his standards. 

You take the bait anyway and ask what he wants.

"There's probably some kinda password in the scroll, right?" He's not wrong.

"I guess," Sakura says, "where are you going with this?"

"If we can figure out what the password is, we can fake the heaven scroll!" He exclaims with the scroll in hand. He's grinning like he's proud of himself and you almost want to be proud of him too. Except that's a terrible idea.

Sakura smacks herself in the face. "Naruto, you idiot!"

Your stomach churns with a gross kind of affection at the sight. You can't believe how much these two losers have endeared themselves to you. You sigh, "we can't do that. We'd be eliminated when they realized it was a fake. They might even bar us from taking the Chūnin Exams again."

That older guy you met earlier who's failed seven times, Kabuto you think, barges in and puts his hand over Naruto's.

Your kunai is drawn in a matter of seconds. Your leg is still aching from when you plunged a kunai through it to escape Orochimaru and you haven't eaten a proper meal in days but if you have to fight, you will. Naruto will be at your side. Sakura too.

"I mean you no harm," he smiles, "I just thought I saw you trying to open the scroll and figured I should warn you against that. I've seen a few teams knocked out by their open scroll."

"It's a good thing we weren't opening ours then," Sakura grits her teeth. Her hand is over her weapons pouch. Her reflexes aren't as quick as yours but you're relieved to see you're on the same page. Naruto is... still in his boxers but you trust him to attack first and ask questions later if it comes down to it.

"Is that so?" Kabuto raises his eyebrow to challenge that and it's condescending enough to make you want to leave him on the dirt floor even if he has another earth scroll.

"Yeah," you growl, "now get out of here before we kill you."

Kabuto laughs as if you're nothing more than a petulant child throwing a snotty tantrum. "If you were going to kill me, you would have done it by now. You're hurt, aren't you? I'm a medic-nin, you know. I could help you."

"Prove it," Sakura demands.

He slices his own forearm open deeply. His hand glow with a green chakra you recognize from your reading at the academy and when it makes contact, you watch the blood stop. The opened muscle closes and his flesh almost seems to regrow until it's nothing but a scratch. Soon, even the scratch disappears.

"Whoa," Naruto gapes, "that's so cool!" He's such a moron.

"How do we know you won't hurt Sasuke?" Sakura asks.

Naruto nods stupidly at her side.

"You guys really don't trust me. How about this: I'll talk one of you through it. Sakura, I understand you have better chakra control than Naruto so you can be the one to do it. It'll take a lot longer but I suppose it can't be helped," that smug bastard says.

Before they start, Kabuto warns that it'll take her several tries. Sakura gets it right the first time.

**/**

Kabuto ends up escorting you to the tower because of ambushes at the end of the exam. He tells you he has both scrolls and is meeting up with his team and you realize he's scared. You catch Naruto's eye and Sakura adjusts her gloves like she understands too.

You wait until another team tries to kill you all with a genjutsu. You're tired and not at full strength but neither is he.

Sakura strikes first, using the element of surprise. You're almost shocked at her boldness as she slashes his cheek open with her shuriken. Then Naruto is barraging him with shadow clones. You deliver the final blow.

The three of you leave him in the dirt without either of his scrolls.

**/**

You pass. Iruka-sensei promises to take you out for ramen as soon as he can. "In the meantime," he says, "there's going to be a preliminary exam. Too many teams passed this round so they need to cut down the ranks for the final exam."

They gather you in a cold room with the other remaining teams. You rake your eyes over to see who's there. Teams 10 and 8 both, you note with satisfaction. Those Oto-nin, Rock Lee, Neji, and their teammate. _The Suna-nin_. Others you don't recognize. That redheaded girl you saved from the bear is gone. She hadn't seemed particularly strong anyway.

Then, they tell you'll be fighting each other in front of the Sandaime, that proctor lady, and a bunch of jounin. You're burning to prove yourself to them. You made the mistake of losing to Lee once but you won't do it again. You're an Uchiha, this is in your blood.

(You were eight and you kept crying. He looked disappointed as he said, "when you have the same eyes as I do, come before me.")

You don't hear a word of the Sandaime's speech.

A man jumps to the floor. He looks like he might die any moment. "Umm, before we begin this third test... anyone not feeling well enough to fight should drop out now since this will be an individual battling preliminary," he says.

"Sasuke, you should quit," Sakura catches you off guard.

"What are you talking about?" You snap at her.

She grits her teeth. "I'm serious. You're in no shape to be fighting anymore. You haven't been the same since we fought Orochimaru. And that mark —"

" _Sakura_." You can't let her tell Naruto. You're not going to let him worry about you like this.

"Goddamn it, Sasuke," she smacks you upside the head, "as your friend, I'm asking you to quit. _Please_." You can tell by the way she's trembling that she's biting back tears. She's always been weepy like that. You still remember her crying over your would-be-dead body in the Land of Waves. She had almost suffocated you in her grief. You hadn't been sure why she was grieving so much to begin with.

"Shut up," you tell her anyway.

"You guys —" Naruto starts.

"I can't let you fight like this!" She says, bursting, "if you try to, I'll tell sensei about it!" Before she can raise her hand, you catch her by the wrist. "I don't want to see you _suffer_ ," she pleads.

"I have to fight. Just butt out of it, okay? I'll be fine," you tell her, "this isn't about making chūnin to me. This is about proving if I'm strong because I'm an avenger. There are people here I need to fight. And, Sakura, if you stop me, I can't forgive you."

"Hey!" Naruto roars, "stop acting so cool! Sakura-chan is worried about you and —"

You click your tongue at him. "Don't you get it? You're one of the ones I want to fight the most." You stare at him for a long moment, trying to gauge his feelings. He looks soft and understanding for a brief second, then hard and steadfast. He wants to fight you as badly as you want to fight him. Your stomach churns.

Nobody forfeits.

You go first. You're fighting Kiba of all people. You guess he's strong but he's not one of the people you'd been aching to fight. Then again, Kakashi-sensei warns you against using your Sharingan with that mark on your shoulder.

With Naruto's goading and Sakura's encouragement, you end the fight as fast as you can. It's not as fast as you expected.

Naruto laughs too loudly as always. "Look at you, Sasuke, you're all beat up, you idiot! You call that shit winning? Loser!"

"You're the idiot," you catch yourself laughing back. It feels safe somehow to joke around with him. You feel almost like a normal kid instead of Atlas, dying under the weight of the world.

They pull Kiba away to tend him. He groans on a stretcher the whole time, mumbling about how he'll get you next time. Kakashi-sensei stops them from taking you off to be tended to as well.

"Maa, you did good, Sasuke-kun," he chirps, "now let's seal up that curse mark."

You grunt sharply. You hadn't wanted him to know about that either. "I want to watch the rest of the matches, can't it wait?"

Kakashi-sensei snaps his book shut and the sound makes you flinch. "No. If we wait, it will be too late. So calm down and come with me, alright?"

Before you leave, you see that the next match is that Dosu guy who beat Kabuto up and someone named Tenten.

**/**

You turn thirteen in the hospital. The sight of the walls leaves you miserable. You've spent every birthday since the massacre alone but this place is nothing but a reminder of that night. You'd woken up here after that god-awful genjutsu finally let you go. You didn't sleep the whole week you were here.

Then, no one had visited you but the Sandaime. This time, you aren't allowed visitors. There was an attempt on your life already.

Naruto and Sakura visit with Iruka-sensei and ramen from Ichiraku anyway.

"Don't tell anyone about this, okay, Sasuke?" Iruka-sensei asks sheepishly as Naruto jumps onto your bed with you.

They fill you in on all the fights you missed. You try to react appropriately even when you have no idea who they're talking about. Naruto gloats that he beat Shino's ass and even killed some of his bugs which Sakura says was very rude. Then she gloats that she broke Ino's jaw with, as she explains it, a chakra enhanced uppercut which Naruto raves about. Apparently, they drew numbers from a box for the final exam. You're number four, up against Gaara, and the news makes your chest tighten.

Naruto wolfs down twelve bowls of ramen. You're starving so you eat three and a half before pawning the leftovers off onto Naruto. Together, you bully Sakura into two whole bowls. Next time, you'll make her eat even more, you think. She needs to knock off that crap about diets if she wants to fight on equal grounds with you and Naruto.

"Iruka-sensei! Iruka-sensei!" Naruto jumps up, "can we go back and get some more?"

"Naruto!" Sakura yanks him back down, "that's so rude! Iruka-sensei has already spent so much money on us and all he has is a teacher's salary! Be considerate and apologize!"

He cries stupidly. "Ne, ne, Sakura-chan, you're so mean!"

They're stupid and brash and always shouting but this is your team. They're losers but they're your losers. You think they might be your best friends. Naruto, especially. Naruto, always.

You would go to the ends of the earth for the both of them.

(You were eight and you didn't understand. He looked at you and said, "there's a catch: take the life of your best friend.")

In a heartbeat.

**/**

In the aftermath of the warmth of your team, your mind starts to drift. Gaara crushed Lee's leg. From what you've heard, he might never be able to be a shinobi again. Lee was strong enough to beat you before the Forest of Death. Have you made any progress since then? Are you stuck in place? Are you strong enough to beat Gaara?

You need to get stronger and you need to do it fast. Thankfully, Kakashi-sensei asks you to sneak out of the hospital so he can train you.

"It's about keeping you safe," he had said, "the hospital staff will be mad but I can't let you fight Gara without more training."

Bedrest be damned. You oblige.

He's late to meet you as usual. Vaguely, you miss the sound of Naruto and Sakura yelling at him for it. There's a comfort to this routine the four of you are accustomed to now. Still, the thought of one-on-one training with your sensei has electricity pumping through you.

He has you test your chakra nature. You huff indignantly, "it'll be fire like the rest of my clan."

It's lightning.

Suddenly, all the hours spent on the docks trying to perfect the fireball jutsu make sense. It was always so much harder for you than it was for everyone else. Than it was for —

You don't let your heart sink in anguish. You don't let yourself remember fighting for your father's approval when it so easily given to your brother. If you let yourself think too much about your family, you'll just end up feeling guilty for being happy with Team 7.

Blood is blood. You can't replace it. But the feeling when you're with them is close.

"Build your chakra in your hand," he instructs.

"... Are you training Naruto and Sakura for their fights too?"

He looks surprised you'd ask that. "Maa, I assigned them both private tutors. I did tell Sakura about a jutsu I want her to learn for her fight though."

You feel jealousy creep up under your skin. "What jutsu?"

"Don't worry, it's not as special as this one, Sasuke. It's the mud wall jutsu," he smiles, "now focus your chakra."

**/**

You're late to the final exam.

Apparently, Naruto beat Neji somehow and Shikamaru surrendered to that Temari chick while you were finishing your training. You don't really care about Shikamaru anyway, but the prospect of fighting Naruto gets your stomach churning.

Your fight starts and you find yourself completely unafraid. Gaara is unhinged but your new jutsu can pierce his sand armor and you're fast enough to evade him now. You might as well have fun with this.

"Come on," you taunt.

Your foot meets his jaw and you hear something crack. The sand armor or bones, maybe a little of both. You only catch a glimpse of him before the sand is cocooning him. You have to break that barrier.

You charge at him with your fist ready and — there's a crunch. Your fist feels wet with blood. You didn't even dent the barrier. For a moment, your fear swallows you whole.

And then you remember the ace up your sleeve.

The cocoon is morphing into what looks like an eye ball but you take a deep breath. Your teammates are watching and they're the last people you want to lose in front of. You try a sweeping kick just to make sure this is the only way to break the cocoon.

It is.

Ox, rabbit, monkey.

"Chidori!"

Just like that, lightning roars to life in your palm. Like all your Uchiha pride, it swells. You drag it through the ground and listen to the crackle and hiss as debris flies past you. Gaara screams about his mother but you barely hear him over the sound of it. You're hurtling towards him with absolute precision and your Sharingan activated. There is no room for error.

This is the jutsu you will take your brother's life with.

When your chidori meets sand, the sand parts like the red sea.

Gaara screams bloody murder and your hand won't budge. When it does, a monstrous hand emerges from the sand. And then it crumbles around a bleeding Gaara.

It's only then you realize how absolutely fucked you all are.

Konoha crumbles as you watch the Sandaime be taken hostage by the Kazekage. Cloaked soldiers leap around and the crowd is sleeping through it all. You don't have time to process that they must be under genjutsu.

Gaara's team jumps down from the stands and start talking about the plan in front of you but Gaara kneels there and cradles his head.

"Abort the mission," their sensei says, "take Gaara and retreat."

The chūnin who had been overseeing your match asks if Orochimaru is in charge of this and the name sends tremors through your core.

"Hey! What the hell is going on?" You ask him.

"Sorry but the Chūnin Exams are over. Frankly, kid, you're already at chūnin level. Might as well make yourself useful by chasing down Gaara and the others," he shrugs.

You listen to him.

**/**

When you finally catch up to the Suna-nin, Kankuro tries to fight you. The kunoichi from Neji and Lee's team interrupts before you can so much as make a fist at him.

"Actually," she says, "I'll be your opponent, Kankuro."

"... I don't know your name," you admit bluntly, "why are you here?"

She snorts. "It's Tenten. And I'm here because I was supposed to fight this guy. I saw you both leave the arena so I chased after you. My teammates will be mad I didn't break the genjutsu for them but this is something I want to do alone."

"You'll be sorry when I'm through with you," Kankuro growls, taking that ugly puppet off his back.

"Are you sure you can do this?" You ask.

"Right, you didn't see my preliminary match. I almost killed that Dosu guy. I've got this," she says.

You take a good look at her. She's got the same look in her eyes Sakura had with Kabuto. You find yourself almost smiling and, suddenly, you believe her.

Three minutes later, you catch up with Gaara and Temari.

"I may not know why your village is doing this, but I'm going to stop you," you tell him.

His whole face is cracked when he stands up to look at you. His hand is over his eye and you wonder what's wrong with it. "You, who is strong... you, who has companions..." Your stomach curls at the mention of your team. If he fucking touches them — "you, who has an ambition... you are like me... I'm going to kill you and _destroy_ all that." He doubles over and hisses in pain.

You watch his hand grow claw-like. And then he's — you don't know what he is, but whatever it is, it's making you sick. The killing intent that radiates off of him is unbearable.

(You were eight and you'd only ever read about killing intent. It almost suffocated you even after it was finally gone.)

**"ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME?"**

(You were eight and you were afraid. From his face, you didn't know if he revelled in it, but he called to you, "foolish little brother.")

**"UCHIHA SASUKE!"**

(You were eight and you were weak. He never said it but you knew he left you because you weren't worthy of the Uchiha name.)

**"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"**

(You were eight and he told you you were nothing. He almost sighed at you and said, "killing you would be a waste of time.")

**"HAS YOUR FEAR TAKEN OVER THE HATRED? THE KILLING URGE? IS YOUR REASON FOR EXISTENCE AS PUNY AS THAT?"**

You get up from behind the tree onto shaking legs and breathe. You are not eight. He is not your brother. You are not afraid. He is not your brother. You are not weak. He is not your brother. You are not nothing. Your brother picked you to avenge your clan and that is why you are not going to die here today.

**"IF YOU CRAVE AN ANSWER, COME AND GET IT!"**

Ox, rabbit, monkey. You drive the lightning right through his hand and sever it in two.

**"THAT'S WHY I'M SO EXCITED! I JUST GOT THE ANSWER! IT'S THIS _PAIN_!"**

You swallow any leftover fear.

**"DEFEATING A MAN STRONG ENOUGH TO HURT ME IS WHAT GIVES ME THIS GREATER SENSE OF EXISTENCE!"**

He's not going to beat you. You're stronger than that. You're an _Uchiha_. The very last of your kind. And when you're through with him, you'll fight Naruto and you'll beat him too. Then you can all go to Ichiraku to celebrate saving the village or whatever. The thought calms you down.

Naruto's stupid smile as he swallows six bowls whole... Sakura scolding him for not having any manners... the three of you trying to catch a glimpse of Kakashi-sensei's face when he eats his bowl. You're going to beat Gaara so you can have that.

The sand changes form again. Gaara is faster than before now.

You leap to avoid the swing of his arm as it destroys the branch you had been on seconds before. You don't have another blast of chidori in you so you breathe out a roaring flame at him instead. It almost wipes you out. Your Sharingan, the two blasts of chidori, it's too much. You don't have the chakra for this.

**"YOU'RE TOO SOFT BECAUSE YOUR HATRED ISN'T STRONG ENOUGH! THE POWER OF HATE IS THE POWER TO KILL!"**

You try to catch your breath. You try to think about your team.

**"YOUR HATRED IS WEAKER THAN MINE!"**

(You were eight and your legs shook. He looked so indifferent to you. "If you want to kill me, _hate me_.")

**"DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS?"**

You growl low in your throat. "Shut up." Tears brim at your eyes. You didn't need Sharingan to remember everything from that night.

**"IT MEANS YOU'RE WEAKER THAN ME!"**

Ox, rabbit, monkey.

It's weaker this time and it burns your palm more. You're charging at him and then it flickers and fizzles out of life. Your shoulder burns and your flesh feels raw and angry again. A second burst of chakra floods through your veins and the chidori flickers back to life.

You collapse in a fit of pain as the curse mark threatens to take you over again. Faintly, you remember Kakashi-sensei's voice telling you not to succumb it.

Then there's a flash of orange kicking Gaara away from you. You know immediately that it's _Naruto_. Always bursting in to save you at the last second. You almost hate him for it.

"Sasuke!" You hear Sakura yell and then you feel hands turning you over onto your back. "I thought that mark was taken care of."

You groan in her arms.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Naruto calls out.

"What, Naruto?"

You vaguely see him point. "Who the hell is that?"

"That's Gaara," an unfamiliar voice says. You don't bother trying to see who it is. It's probably someone from the academy you just didn't care to remember.

Sakura's grip on you tightens. "He attacked Sasuke."

"Mind you, I'm not the battle type," the guy you don't know says.

Sakura screams at him for it. You'd laugh if your body wasn't so numb. You remember what Kakashi-sensei said about how if you let this thing take you over, you'll never defeat your brother and you grab at your neck. You have to get this under control. _Now_.

**"YOU'RE THE ONE I FAILED TO KILL THAT TIME!"**

"You guys!" Naruto screams, "get away!"

You hear movement and more screaming and then Sakura lets go of you.

**"UCHIHA SASUKE, DIE!"**

"Earth Style: Mud Wall Jutsu!"

You groan, "Sakura." She's trying to protect you like how you protected her on that godawful mission.

"Whoa, Sakura-chan!"

You hear the mud wall crumble and you know Gaara broke it like it was nothing. And then Sakura _screams_. Naruto leaps in to pull you away from the chaos.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouts.

You're leaning on him for support and your legs feel weak under you. Still, you focus your eyes on where Sakura is pinned to a tree by that monstrous arm of Gaara's. He puts you down gently, his hands almost hesitant to leave you. You find yourself resenting it when they do.

"Damn it! Sasuke, what are we gonna do?"

Gaara howls in pain again and you try to find it in you to move. He's got his head cradled in one of his hands again and he's shaking it almost violently. His grip on Sakura seems to tighten. You want nothing more than to cut his goddamn arm off.

"Naruto," Sakura chokes out.

"Sakura-chan!"

Goddamn it. You're getting sick of them saying each other's names. "Naruto," you spit out.

"Sasuke!"

Gaara growls. "What do they mean to you?" He asks, dangerously quiet this time. Your stomach curls in anticipation of Naruto's response. _A burden_ , part of you thinks. Then comrades. Friends definitely... _family_. Or even —

"They're my friends! If you don't leave them the fuck alone, I'll kick your ass, dattebayo!"

You smile into the bark.

Then Sakura screams again. Your blood is starting to run cold at the sound. What does that monster think he's doing to your teammate?

"Now what?" Gaara taunts. "Aren't you going to kick my ass?"

When Naruto leaves the branch, his absence shakes you. The sound of Gaara throwing him into the bushes like a rag doll sends a tremor of hate through you. You don't hear what happens next. You're too consumed by this hatred running through you.

Gaara is hurting your teammates. He's going to _kill_ Sakura at this rate. And then _Naruto_. And then you'll be alone again. You can't be alone again. Your heart couldn't take losing them too. You had almost forgot why you were so afraid of letting yourself be tied to them and now you're facing the death of your loved ones again.

Your bones ache. Your body is burning and freezing all at once. You want Gaara dead. You want your brother dead. You don't want to just avenge those you've lost, you want to protect those you still have.

Gaara's appearance gets even worse and Naruto gets thrown into a tree trunk this time. You think you hear his bones crack. It's followed by a long stretch of sickening silence.

Then: **"I'LL KILL THE GIRL IF YOU DON'T FIGHT ME!"**

"Her name..." you rasp out, "is Sakura."

He doesn't hear you or he just doesn't care.

The sound of Naruto's kage bunshin jutsu. Then of the forest rumbling around you. In the back of your head, you remember Konoha as you left it. The buildings collapsing, the Sandaime being taken hostage, the sheer terror. You feel closer than ever to that. To you, Naruto is Konoha.

He gets back up. It's not like you ever thought he wouldn't. He always does.

Naruto yells some dumbass name of some dumbass move he's made up. You'd smile if you weren't so worried about him.

If you couldn't take Gaara, you don't think Naruto can. But if you can just get back up and help him, the two of you together could. So you've got to try harder to fight this goddamn curse mark.

After a few more sets of bunshin, he does something you can only describe as confusing. He... stabs Gaara in the ass. What a fucking weirdo. Gaara's tail smacks him away and you find yourself moving again just in time to catch him with your chest as a paper bomb goes off. Your arms aren't responding enough to wrap your arms around him but you break his fall at least.

"Sasuke!" He looks bloodied and gross just how you know him best.

"Finally back to normal? You know... even after all that, you only got in one blow. Get your shit together, loser," you wheeze, "I can't save you again, not like in the Land of Waves, you goddamn..."

Naruto swats at you, "shuddup."

**"SEEMS LIKE I UNDERESTIMATED YOU!"**

This time, you ignore him. "Naruto, no matter what, save Sakura," you say, "okay? Once you've got her, take her and run as fast as you can. If it's just for awhile, I can hold him off. Even if I die, it's okay."

"Sasuke, what are you saying?" He looks at you like he wants to cry.

Your heart is on your sleeve here. You've never said it to either of them before. "I'm saying never again. I already lost everything once before. I don't ever want to watch those dear to me die before my eyes again!"

"... I get it. Sasuke, I — I love you. I love you and I love Sakura-chan and I love Kakashi-sensei and that's what makes me strong. Because strength doesn't come from yourself. It comes from fighting for people you love!"

His chakra is so potent, you feel it all around you. It envelops everything that is and no matter how angry it gets, it feels safe because it's Naruto.

This time, Naruto screams, "I WILL PROTECT THEM NO MATTER WHAT!" More bunshin than you could ever count spring to life. "Sasuke, take it easy! You just leave the rest up to me!" He doesn't even turn to look at you. It's barrage after barrage of bunshin unleashed onto Gaara.

Who the hell is this kid? Is this really Naruto? He's so much stronger than you thought... or are you just that weak?

The monster gets even bigger. Can Naruto beat that thing?

Could you?

(You're thirteen and trembling. Your teammate is pinned to a tree, choking because you couldn't beat Gaara.)

The sand engulfs Naruto and you scream his name.

(You're thirteen and you're not strong enough. You can't get your revenge and you can't save your friends.)

"Shit, I can't —" you feel so useless.

"I will protect Sakura-chan! Summoning no jutsu!" There's a puff of smoke. The more it clears, the less sure you are of what you're seeing. It's... a frog? A giant toad? This is Naruto's true power.

You watch in awe and in terror as Naruto takes Gaara on and the toad turns into a fox.

And then it's over. The sand around Sakura comes crumbling down. You leap to catch her before she falls.

"Thank you," she mumbles, "I'm sorry I couldn't —"

"Shut up," you tell her.

"Where's Naruto?"

You take her with you to find him. When you do, he's writhing on his belly in the dirt. It looks like he's trying to crawl over to where Gaara is on his back.

"That's enough, Naruto," you sigh, "if you'd look up, you'd see Sakura's okay."

She pushes against your chest at that. "Hey, are you gonna put me down? I think I can walk."

"Think isn't good enough, moron," you snap, "anyway. Naruto, you knocked Gaara out. He's probably out of chakra now."

Naruto cranes his neck to look at you both. He smiles as peacefully as the night you stood guard after everything changed. Something flickers in your chest at the sight but you can't shake the feeling of jealousy in your bones.

When you look away from him, Gaara's team is there tending to him. Kankuro looks all beat up and bloody. Tenten's handiwork, you guess. She really did delay him for you. Still, he picks Gaara up with Temari's help.

They take him away and you don't say anything to stop them. Instead, you stare at Naruto. He's got blood in his hair and dirt on his face again.

And he loves you. And you him. He's one of your loved ones. Him and Sakura both but... there's a difference.

**/**

The Sandaime is dead. Orochimaru killed him.

The day of his funeral, it rains endlessly. You stand in the rain for the entire service with all your fellow shinobi. You listen listlessly to the eulogy. It's your first funeral since the massacre. There had been so many bodies that day. All cremated to protect your kekkei genkai as if sealed coffins weren't available. You hadn't shaken the smell of their blood in the streets for months afterwards.

When the funeral is over, the three of you eat Ichiraku Ramen in silence.

**/**

A few days later, you swear to god you see your brother in the village. When you look closer, whoever it was is gone.

**/**

After that, you find yourself at Sakura's house. You've only been here once before. It had been a few weeks after you were put on Team 7. Kakashi-sensei had wanted to get to know you guys through some team bonding exercise, which you were pretty sure meant he had been hungover.

It was a nice house in a civilian district. You hadn't known her family was civilian before that. You'd assumed they were just an insignificant clan or something to that effect.

She'd tried to hide them but you caught a glimpse of her parents, just enough to know she got that ridiculous pink hair from her father. Then Sakura slammed the door right in their faces. You weren't sure if she was trying to spare two orphans from seeing a happy, loving family or if she was being selfish again.

This time, neither of them are home when you knock at her door.

"Coming!" She calls from inside. She's in what looks like sweats when she opens up. Her hair is tied up haphazardly and she looks kind of grimy. "Oh," she says dumbly, "hi."

"Hi," you say back awkwardly. You hadn't really thought this through.

"... Do you wanna come in? I'm doing, um, my chores but we can talk," she offers.

You don't know what compels you to do it but you enter her house. She insists on feeding you so you let her, but it turns out Sakura is a horrible cook. You've never been very polite so you spit it out and tell her to her face.

"Wha — shut the fuck up!" She shouts.

You can't help it — you laugh right in her face. You think you remember her saying something like "goddamn" when you wouldn't forfeit during the preliminaries but you've never heard her honest to god swear like that. Let alone at _you_.

She fumes even more at your laughter. "What's so funny, you jerk?"

"You really don't like me anymore, do you?" You ask.

"Oh, god, you're bringing that up? Listen, I —"

"Don't explain. That would make this weird. I mean that I like this side of you," you admit.

She backs away from you. "... You don't like me or anything, right?" She whispers, mortified.

You laugh even harder at that. You don't know what makes this so goddamn funny, really. Or maybe you do but you just can't name it. "No! God, Sakura, no, I don't like you like that. I mean that you're my friend," you say, "and I like when you're honest with me. Like how you are with Naruto." Saying his name feels like an omen here.

It must feel like it to her too. She shrinks into herself at the mention.

This is something you've been afraid of. That she — that they — are they together behind your back or something? Do they want to be together? You don't want that. You don't want this dynamic you all have to change to accomodate that.

You come right out and ask it, "do you like him?"

Her face turns a violent red. It clashes with her hair in a kind of ugly way, like how her eye did when it was swollen red. You're trying to see what Naruto sees in her right now. He says she's pretty and you guess the only time you've ever really thought she was ugly was when her eye was swollen shut. She's loud and smart and as much as she tries to hide it, competitive and angry too. Her voice comes out shrill when she speaks next and you really don't get it now, "what!?"

You try not to scowl at her. "I said: do you like him?"

"Like him? I mean... he's my friend. You guys are my friends. Of course I like him. Do I —" something registers in her face. "Do you think I have a crush on him?"

You glower and refuse to confirm or deny.

She clutches her hands to her chest, "Sasuke, I... I think I'm..." She changes her mind at the last moment and shakes her head violently, "I love you both very much."

That doesn't answer your question.

"... You two are important to me," you admit anyway. You'd told Naruto already. It was only fair you tell her now. "But you're still a shitty cook."

She punches you square in the shoulder for that. It hurts more than you expected.

"So you're enhancing your punches with chakra now?" You ask.

She nods happily. "Yeah! I figured that if I push chakra there then release it in bursts when I make contact, it'll really do some damage! I figured it out when we got home from Wave, actually. I just - I felt so shitty about not doing anything on that mission, I wanted to get stronger."

"That makes sense. You know, I could help you train," you offer.

She lights up and starts babbling about all the techniques she's been reading about. You're staring at her, marveling at what an absolute geek she is, and you think that even if Naruto is stronger than you right now, everything might be okay after all. Because you're more than a team.

**/**

Everything is not okay.

You go to visit Kakashi-sensei only to find him unconscious and surrounded by jounin. You ask what happened and nobody will answer you. They're all just looking at each other nervously and it's kind of pissing you off.

Then s ome idiot bursts in yelling, "is it true that Itachi has really come back? And that he's chasing Naruto?"

You could throw up then and there. You won't let your brother lay a fucking hand on Naruto. Like that, you're out the door. You go to Ichiraku Ramen first and Naruto isn't there.

"Old man! Where's Naruto?" You demand.

"Uhh, let's see... he ate here with Jiraiya-sama earlier and then... he said he was going to leave town for a little. Down the cattle road to that hotel-town, I think. I'm not totally sure," he says.

"Jiraiya!?"

"The sannin's Jiraiya-sama," the old man corrects you, "he's got big white hair, don't you know him?"

You bolt. All you can think the whole time is Naruto is going to die. Your brother is going to take another person you love away. You can't let him. You have to be stronger this time.

When you get to the hotel-town, you ask every inn keeper about a big, white-haired old man and a stupid-faced red-headed guy your age until one of them says that sounds familiar. He gives you the room number and you run to it.

It's not Naruto.

You run to the next hotel. You have to get to Naruto first. You have to save him.

When you finally find him, you're too late.

(You were eight and you adored him with everything you are.)

Itachi is there with some shark-looking bastard. He's not what you expected after all these years. He's tall and casual like he didn't slaughter your whole clan and make you watch it in that horrible genjutsu. Like he's not the monster you know he is. You hate him with your entire being.

(You were eight and you wanted him to spend time with you.)

"It's been awhile, Sasuke," he says coolly.

(You were eight and you just wanted to surpass your big brother.)

"Uchiha Itachi," you growl. You're not aware of when you activated your Sharingan, you just know that it's active now and you see everything you need to, "I will kill you."

(You were eight and he ruined your fucking life in a single night.)

"Hey, you seem awfully familiar with Itachi, boy," the shark-looking man hums, "who is this guy?" Your blood boils at the realization that Itachi has the fucking audacity to not admit his sins to his partner.

(You were eight and he made you relive that night over and over again for what felt like years.)

"My little brother," Itachi sighs.

(You were eight and he severed that brotherhood when he sliced your parents open.)

" _What_? I heard you wiped out the entire Uchiha clan!"

(You were eight and you were lying on the floor in their blood. He said, "they were just a measuring stick to test myself.")

Ox, rabbit, monkey.

(You were eight and you ran from that horrible room and begged him to let you live because you were scared to die.)

"I've lived hating you and I've lived only to kill you! I have lived for this!" You drag your chidori across the walls, destroying everything that dares to be. It roars in your palm and you remember Kakashi-sensei telling you this was an assassination jutsu. This is absolution.

It isn't enough. He catches you by your wrist and holds it at bay as the chidori crackles and hisses helplessly. He looks you in the eye like he has the fucking right.

Naruto's chakra roars to life and Itachi tells you that you're in his way. He snaps your wrist like it's nothing. Then you're on the floor like you're nothing and all anyone can talk about is fucking Naruto.

(You're thirteen and you've lived your whole life for this only for it to be taken away from you like a pathetic toy.)

Jiraiya threatens to kill Itachi and you almost scream. 

"Don't do it," you demand, picking yourself up from the floor, "this guy is _mine_!"

Itachi sighs again.

(You were eight and he tapped your forehead with a sigh. He lied and said, "next time." There was no next time.)

"I have absolutely no interest in you right now," he tells you flatly. And then he kicks you into the wall.

Naruto tries to charge him.

You scream his name. Then: "I told you not to! This fight is _mine_." You get back up again. Your wrist is on fire from the break and your body is almost shaking but you are going to kill this monster. **"COME ON!"**

He punches you swiftly in the stomach, just like when you were eight and stupid enough to charge at him head on. Then his hand is around your throat, squeezing tight enough to hurt but loose enough to keep you alive.

What the fuck have you been doing this whole time? Playing pretend with Naruto and Sakura. Wasting your time worrying about them instead of training. 

The world goes black again. Just like that night.

"You're weak," Itachi says coldly, "You don't have enough hatred. For the next twenty-four hours, you will relive that day."

**/**

When you're finally free from that hell, Sakura and Naruto hug you. It feels empty. You've never felt so weak. The gap between you and Naruto is... it's so much bigger than you thought. And he's the one ahead of you. You grit your teeth.

Sakura offers you apples and before you know it, you've smacked the whole goddamn tray away. You feel her eyes on you for a long moment. "Sasuke, what the hell are you doing?" She asks, her voice even.

You don't even look at her. All you can look at is Naruto. Just standing there like he doesn't know how he humiliated you.

"Hey, Naruto," you murmur, "fight me. Now."

"Huh? But you're still recovering and stuff, 'ttebayo." He's a goddamn moron.

Your Sharingan flares up. "Shut up and fight me!"

He stares at you stupidly.

"You thought you helped me? That stupid Godaime or whatever, butting into other people's business..."

"What!?" You've got his attention now.

(You were thirteen and bursting at the seams. All Itachi could do was look at Naruto. He had no interest in you.)

"Sasuke, you need to calm down! Naruto, tell him!" Sakura's voice is getting desperate. She needs to mind her goddamn business just like the fucking Godaime.

Naruto doesn't listen to her. "I've been thinking we should fight too!"

Sakura tries to interject again but you take him up to the roof where you'll have room for this. You step in her goddamn apples on your way out. She chases after you.

You barely know what you're saying to Naruto or what he's saying to you except that it's making you even more pissed off. Then he has the audacity to tell you to put your fucking hitai-ate on.

"I don't need that," you snarl, "you won't even lay a finger on me, let alone my forehead."

"No! I'm saying that it's a symbol that we're fighting as equals!" He screams.

"You're so fucking full of yourself! You think you're on par with me!?" You know that he's stronger than you and it makes you want to beat him to a pulp. You need to be strong enough for Itachi. You can't let yourself fall any farther behind this loser.

Naruto growls at you. "Of course I do! In fact, I've never once thought of myself as inferior to you!"

You see red and the two of you are screaming each other's names as you lunge at each other. Untalented loser that he is, he uses the kage bunshin again.

"Get a new jutsu," you laugh at him, meeting each bunshin with full force until they've kicked you midair. You spit fire from your tongue to burn them all down. The smoke clears and there are two Narutos left with chakra swirling in their hands. Whatever that thing is, it looks lethal. You don't even think before you do it.

Ox, rabbit, monkey.

There's more lighting than you've ever summoned this time. It's a goddamn storm in the palm of your hand.

Sakura is screaming for you to stop. 

You don't listen.

"Both of you, stand down!" She screams as she throws herself between you.

It's too late to take it back but Sakura is right there where your chidori will be in a matter of seconds. If she doesn't move, she'll die. If she doesn't move, she'll die. She's not going to move.

(You were eight and there were corpses lining the streets. You were eight and all you could smell was their blood.)

"Move, Sakura!" It comes out rough and hoarse and afraid.

(You were eight and everyone you had ever loved was dead. You were eight and Itachi made you watch their deaths on repeat.)

In the back of your head, you register Naruto screaming too and you wonder if either of you are prepared to deal with what happens if Sakura doesn't move. She's not going to move.

(You were eight and the sight of your father's lifeless eyes made you want to throw up everything you'd ever eaten.)

The Sharingan remembers everything it ever sees. You don't want to remember Sakura with your hand through a cavity in her chest. You're too angry to turn it off so instead, you close your eyes. You can't see the carnage to come.

(You were eight and you saw more than some shinobi see in their entire career. You were eight. You were eight. You were eight.)

Nobody barges in at the last minute to guide your hand away from her. Flesh and guts don't feel the way you thought they would.

(You are thirteen and you just killed your best friend. You are thirteen and you wanted to be stronger but not like this.)

When you open your eyes, you're up to your wrist in tree bark. The wood is splintered and littered with fractal burning and Sakura is not there. Pink petal have fallen to your feet. _Sakuras_ , you recognize faintly. Ironically almost.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto screams on the other side, "shit, Sasuke, where'd she go? What the hell happened? Is she okay? What's this goddamn tree doing here!?"

You rip your hand out from it. The bark scrapes at your skin viciously as you do. Then, through the crack, you see her. Her hands are clasped over her moving chest. She's breathing. She's unconscious but she's _alive_. Relief flushes through you for a moment. And then you realize what this is.

"What the hell were you two thinking?" Kakashi-sensei demands. You're too busy glaring holes into the tree that's sprouted to life on this goddamn roof to look at him. "You could have killed each other. You could have killed Sakura. If she hadn't —"

"If she hadn't used wood release," you seethe.

**/**

Kakashi-sensei talks to you about what happened on the rooftop. He tells you that everyone he loves is dead too. He tells you that you're both lucky because you've found people to love again. You remember Naruto's stupid smile as Sakura drooled on his chest in the Forest of Death and your heart aches.

Then you remember Itachi telling you you're in his way because he's here to abduct Naruto for whatever gang of goddamn criminals he's joined.

Before you have time to really think about it, you're being dragged up to see Sakura in the hospital. There's huge parts of the hospital that are blocked off from where the sakura tree had grown through it and Sakura's room is one of the only ones that is still open.

"Chakra exhaustion," the Godaime had diagnosed, "from using the wood release."

You know they ordered a DNA test to see if she's a Senju. They thought the Senju were all dead except for Tsunade. If Sakura isn't her long-lost relative, then nobody knows how she can use the wood release. You thought she was nothing special. You didn't think you had to be jealous of her power too.

Sakura's parents are civilians. She lives in a civilian district where she comes home to do civilian chores like sweep and dust the house for her boring, civilian parents. She is perfectly fucking normal in every way and there is no way she deserves to have something as revered as wood release.

Naruto looks guilty at her bedside when you enter the room. You can't stand to look at him. Or her.

When she finally wakes up, he hugs her.

You leave.

(You're thirteen and you feel guilty too but you don't know how to talk to them. You're thirteen and you think they make you weak.)

**/**

You're walking home from the hospital when Orochimaru's fucking lackies have the audacity to get in your way.

You tell them to get lost. They beat you to a fucking pulp.

"If you want to get stronger, come with us."

**/**

You pack your bag that night. You pick up the framed picture of Team 7 that you hated taking and you stare at it. There's not a speck of dust on it. You sleep with it by your bed every night because it makes this compound feel so much less empty to have some semblence of them here with you.

You don't cry when you put it back face down.

**/**

At the edge of the village, you aren't alone. Sakura sits on the bench there like she's been waiting for you for hours maybe. She's still in her hospital clothes.

"Sasuke," she says your name sadly.

"It's late," you tell her, "were you even released from the hospital?"

She gets up. "Everyone who leaves the village has to go this way," she murmurs.

You walk right past her because you don't know what will happen if you stop. You can't know what will happen or what she'll say to you. You love her. You love Naruto. You even love Kakashi-sensei.

Love isn't enough. You'll survive on your hatred.

"This was where I realized I needed to be nicer to Naruto," she says softly, "it was after you told me how awful I was being. Saying bad things about him because he... he didn't have a family. Do you remember that?"

You remember telling her how annoying she was. You remember being angry she could say that kind of thing. You remember reminding yourself of that conversation any time she did something tolerable for a month. You lie and tell her you don't.

"That's okay. It was a long time ago, y'know! But that was the start of our team. Ever since then, we've spent so much time together. Too much, really! Remember the four of us under the stars that first night... on our first C-rank mission? I didn't sleep at all. I was too excited to be out of the village. Naruto kept rolling over us both. Kakashi-sensei had to restrain him so he'd stop. That was the first time I thought of us all as friends," she's rambling now and her voice is so full of nostalgia that it hurts.

You remember shoving Naruto off of you and onto Sakura to crush her ribs for a change. You don't tell her that.

"I don't think you thought of me as a friend until I got over that stupid crush," she laughs, "that's okay though. We got there! We're friends now, Sasuke. I... I think of you as one of my best friends."

When you thought you killed her, you were so scared you'd open your eyes to the Mangekyō because she was your best friend too. You don't tell her that.

"I know that things are hard for you right now... I know that you think you have to do this all alone, but I swear you don't. Okay? Please believe me, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, and I, we're all here for you! We can help you get stronger and we can help you get revenge too!"

You've thought about it. Naruto could break down any barrier you need him to. Kakashi-sensei could cover you. Sakura could learn medical ninjutsu to heal you all too. If you needed more than just hatred, the four of you could stay a team and they could help you kill Itachi. You don't tell her that.

"I know that nothing can ever replace your family," she whispers this part, "but — but ever since the Chūnin Exams, I feel like we've become a family in our own way... haven't we?"

Your breath hitches. She hears it and she clings to it.

"Sasuke, I — I think of you as a _brother_!"

(You were eight and your brother made it so that he was the family you had left. You were eight and you hated him for that.)

Your Sharingan flares up again and finally, you turn to face her. "You have no idea what it is to have a brother," you snarl.

Sakura is crying.

The first time you ever saw her, she was crying.

She had looked so weepy, crying into her knees as Ino comforted her. Her eyes were really puffy and her nose was dripping with snot. You remember thinking she was an ugly crier. She's still an ugly crier.

This might be the last time you ever see her. You're going to remember it forever.

When was the last time you saw Naruto? When he was hugging her in the hospital? You want to remember him too.

You're turning back around to force yourself to leave instead of dwelling on the past when you hear her charging at you. You turn around angrily and catch her by the wrist. She punches you with the other hand and you feel your cheek start to bruise.

"Goddamn it, Sakura," you grab both her wrists, "I don't want to fight you."

She kicks you in the stomach and you stumble back angrily. You look at her again to see she's got a kunai drawn. This is getting ridiculous. She knows she's not strong enough to take you.

She lunges anyway. This time you move to pin her.

Her hands clasp together and a tree splits the ground open. It knocks you down hard. You hear her body thud against the stone too. Chakra exhaustion again. She never had as much as you and Naruto. Definitely not enough for more than one use of wood release a day.

"How the hell," you grit as you get back to your feet, "does someone like you have the Shodaime's kekkei genkai!?" A sakura petal falls into your hair. You don't pull it out. Instead, you walk over to where she's half-conscious on the ground.

She blinks hazily at you. "... Don't know," she mumbles, "don't... don't go..."

You try to see why Naruto thinks she's so pretty again but she looks so fucking miserable there. You try to imagine a different life, where she came to tell you she was in love with you and would even help you restore your clan. You try to make this less painful but you can't. Sakura is your friend and she's crying and you can't leave her on the ground like this. You pick her up in your arms and she sniffles.

"Please," she chokes out, "think... of Naruto... and Kaka-sensei... all alone... we need you."

You close your eyes and count to three. When you open them, your Sharingan is deactivated. You don't want to remember any more of this night.

"Sas... love you..."

Gently, you put her on the bench. You feel so much colder afterwards.

For some reason, you can't leave yet. Her eyes are still fluttering open and closed. She's still mouthing words you only half hear. Your whole chest aches but you've already made up your mind. You have to do this for your clan. If you stay, you'll never be strong enough to kill Itachi.

"Sakura, thank you... I..." the words get stuck in your throat. You can't say it if you're severing your bonds with them, "you're okay." It hurts as you say it. It might hurt forever.

Your eyes burn as you cross the village border.

**/**

If leaving Sakura on that bench was hard, leaving Naruto in the Valley of the End is impossible.

You let yourself cry as the rain washes all your blood away. You leave your scarred hitai-ate for him to find, but you don't kill him. You can't kill him.

Leaving Team 7 — leaving _Naruto_ feels like tearing your soul in two. That doesn't stop you.

**Author's Note:**

> first of all: i said tenten rights god i love little details
> 
> second: i love comments and if u wanna ask me anything abt this series my tumblr is @[hotgirlsakura](http://hotgirlsakura.tumblr.com)! 
> 
> lastly: if you really liked it, check out the links on my blog


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